Professional and lifestyle Domme Wiley Wolfe has a heart of gold and a sadistic grin reminiscent of a Cheshire cat. Charming yet firm, her demeanor is approachable and confident—the perfect combination for a brilliant pup handler and the primal Daddy of your goddamn dreams. Having been immersed in the BDSM scene for almost five years, Wolfe has established a name for herself within both the queer and fetish communities as the organizer of SoCal Creatures, an inclusive pet play group in Los Angeles, a mesmerizing fetish performer at clubs like Sanctuary Studios and Bar Sinister, and a highly-skilled Domme who relishes in the depths of seductively cruel power exchange.
Who is Wiley Wolfe at her very core? What elements in your life have influenced your exploration of these alternative lifestyle paths?
I mean, I think I’ve always been kinky in different ways, but I didn’t really have the words for it. I think this is common for a lot of people. I have always identified as a primal person and that is something I really didn’t have a word for until I got into the kink scene.
I was always in touch with the more animalistic instincts and had a very strong kinship with the wolf.
When I was a kid, it was a lot, but that’s okay. It was just something I really identified with—the energy of it—and it really affected how I saw the world. As far as BDSM goes, I got into it through my writing. I went to a dungeon for research and experienced some things. I got whipped on a cross—stuff like that—and remember leaving and thinking to myself, wow, that was cool, and continued exploring from there. I’m the kind of person who never wants to leave anywhere without a story. I basically had him hit me with everything because I have no chill, but I don’t really recommend that. Afterwards, I made a FetLife account and started researching everything. I learned what the term “primal” meant and that was it. I had finally found the definition for something I had always been without being able to really share it with anyone, you know?
*Primal is defined as “a style of BDSM that focuses on raw feelings and actions that are evoked by natural impulses and urges. It is based around the concept of retreating back to the primitive animal persona, where labels and protocols don’t apply.” – Kinky.com
When reflecting on your childhood, do you think there were certain aspects of your life that may have contributed to your fondness of BDSM?
Yes and no. Maybe in the sense that I grew up in a Catholic household because that led to having a blasphemy fetish. I know, cute. And also, because I grew up in a Catholic household and because I am gay, I was definitely more drawn to alternative lifestyles and ways in which to find the queer community. I’m sure it kind of pushed me in this direction to try and find things I wouldn’t normally look for as far as community, but that is probably the extent of it.
Tell me about your earliest memory in the scene. Did you begin your journey as a submissive and grow into the Dominant you are today?
The first time I was submissive was at that dungeon and experiencing different types of impact play. I had him tie me to the cross so I couldn’t move while he hit me with different floggers and toys—which again—I don’t recommend for someone’s first time. It was really cool because I was completely suspended in that moment and because I was in a public dungeon, I remember looking around and seeing a few girls with their drinks just casually talking. It was like, I was able to share something so true and so honest, just being in the moment and taking that pain, and it was okay. No one around me cared. It was definitely the thing that kind of hooked me into all of this. Knowing that there was a place for something like this to be explored. I am not submissive now though. One of the first times I was Dominant was getting to co-top my mentor’s submissive. He was teaching me about fire play and wax, and I remember it being so beautiful to see the place that his bottom went to—especially with wax. She went into such a deep headspace, which is so unique for a wax scene. It was almost meditative and really amazing to see her completely give up and be in a space where she felt safe to let go like that.
As sex workers we see a contrariety of clientele and expose ourselves to fierce energies. As an empath, this can be quite the challenge. How do you compartmentalize your emotions when with a client and does it ever affect your personal relationships?
Tops need aftercare just as much as bottoms. Sometimes, when something really intense happens, I need to do some self-care or tell whoever I might be with that something was really heavy for me and talk it out. It can be as easy as having tea, cuddling and watching a movie. I think occasionally, that’s really all it is—a little space and comedown time to process, especially emotionally-charged scenes. I can experience burnout sometimes if I’ve been seeing a lot of clients or have had a back-to-back day and may not have the energy to play at home or go out. It’s about managing my energy, being aware of myself, and being able to communicate that to my partner(s). In general though, if I have a really good session, playing actually gives me energy and I am able to take that energy and utilize it for more play.
I want to transition to a very unique subgroup within this community and one of your beloved fetishes: puppy play. How would you define pet play to those who are unfamiliar?
Pet play is a form of BDSM in which one person is typically the Dominant, who would act as the handler or owner, and the other is the submissive and takes on the role as the pet or puppy. Now, you don’t have to have a handler to be a pup. Sometimes, play happens between two pups—one being alpha and the other omega—or it can just be others playing together. Typically, there is a handler situation, but it’s not mandatory.
Tell me about your initial involvement with pet play. What sparked your fascination for becoming a handler? Was is strange, at first, to adjust your mindset and get into this type of persona?
Well, although primal play was kind of my gateway into finding pet play, the thing I like most about it is recreating the relationship that I would have with an actual dog. I grew up as an only child, so my main close relationship wasn’t with a sibling, it was with my dog. I used to train him in dog agility, I competed, did all of that.
I kind of grew up with dog training and I think the love and connection between a person and their pet is honestly, to me, one of the most beautiful experiences in the world. The ability to recreate that with another person is awesome.
So, that’s what I’m kind of trying to do in my pet play. It gets primal sometimes, but it originates from a loving place. I remember the first time I saw a pup. It was at San Francisco Pride and I remember very specifically, turning my head and seeing this pup in a black leather hood with a little pup shirt on, and when he looked at me, something just clicked in my head. I immediately wanted one. I went home, did all this research, found people on YouTube and got really excited. About three or four months later, I met a girl who was a puppy and that was really exciting for me—one of my first relationships. My first scene was so amazing because I just got to play. She had a very specific ritual in which she put on her ears and got into her head space as a pup. This isn’t the case for everybody, but she had a very particular order in which she did things prior to play. Once she was in it, we just played fetch, did tricks for treats, snuggled on the couch and rough-housed a little bit. It was so cool to just snap into that world where we’re just there together, being and sharing that energy.
Pet play can often times include a form of humiliation or dependency within a D/s relationship—from not being allowed to sit on furniture, using a litter box or eating out of pet bowls. Perhaps, a style of objectification that allows the bottom to release from humanity? Can you talk to me about your personal experiences with this and what reasons individuals might choose to take part in this genre of role play?
There’s two different styles of pet play. Puppy play originated in the leather community as a form of degradation and that’s the history of it. The way it started originally was the slave boy—if you will—would play the pup and his Master would shame them for being a beast or a dog. It started as that kind of degradation and humiliation, but then it sort of grew passed that. Ultimately, there are people who still play on that idea, but it has definitely transformed a lot. It’s become so much more loving. As far as a departure from humanity, that is pretty much all of pet play.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be objectifying, but that departure from humanity is very freeing, almost like mediation. You are shedding your human stresses and living in the moment, acting on your impulses as a pup.
Having a human pet can be such a big responsibility, especially when it comes to communication restrictions and removing parts of an individual’s habitual standard of existing. As a Dominant, you have to be much more cognizant of the submissive’s frame of mind. What steps do you take to ensure utmost safety and awareness?
Safe signals are really good, especially if they aren’t allowed to speak. Sometimes, people will do things like having two paws up, which means yellow, or standing for a red. This way pups have the ability to discuss their headspace. You have to be very aware of their bodily needs, watch how much their sweating while playing or doing things like pinching their skin to see if they’re dehydrated. You have to make sure they are actually getting rest and not just running around for hours on end because sometimes, they can forget time. You have to watch and look for cuts too, if they hit something or if their knee pads are slipping down. It really takes on such a care giving role. There’s a reason there is some cross over between D/lg (Daddy/little girl) role play and pet play. Not always, but sometimes, and there is definitely a reason. You have to focus so much on body language because just like any dog, if they’re hurt, they are going to limp or maybe not notice and you have to help them. If they are feeling nervous, they might back up into a corner and look down or not be happy anymore. It’s times like these where you have to check in and see how they are doing.
I am so curious about the training aspect of pet play. Can you shed some light on this? What sorts of activities does it entail? Do you use shock collars or kennels?
Yes, you can do those things. I think shock collars are really fun. There is a lot of different types of training you can do. There are human pups who want to be show dogs. The first pup I had was a tracking dog so I would train her by taking a toy, spritzing it with perfume and putting it under clothes or somewhere in the apartment so that she can sniff it out. That was really fun. You can do agility as well. The LA Pony and Critter Club have a really big agility course which is really cool. My favorite is Schutzhund (German for protection dog) guard dog training. My pup Titus is actually a guard dog. You can use treats or clickers to train. Some people recommend training in another language, which becomes more of a real experience because they don’t know the words you are saying. But if you look up how to train a biological dog, it’s all very similar, but with a few adjustments.
You are the organizer of SoCal Creatures. Let’s talk about the organization and the overall community within this genre of play.
SoCal Creatures is an intentionally inclusive pet play group in LA. Our intention is to welcome all shapes, sizes, human animal species, ethnicities, genders, sexualities, everybody. Cause right now, while things are starting to change—thank goodness—the community is primarily white cis gay men, at least publicly. And there’s a lot of people who aren’t that, who are pets, and we wanted to give them a place to be themselves. We hold monthly moshes and collaborate with other organizations as well, which is really exciting. We usually operate out of Dungeon East or [Dungeon] West, and we sell out pretty much every month. It’s a lot of fun. We have a main play area, a ball pit, pot luck, all that stuff. There is something for everyone and it’s a great place to come play. It’s pets doing all the cute things.
What is your favorite thing to do when no one is looking?
Masturbate to cooking shows.
What is the best thing you did in the last 24 hours?
I just got tested and that’s pretty cool.
What is one of the worst things you have done in a scene?
I put bamboo skewers under someone’s toenails. That was pretty rude.
What is your definition of intimacy?
When you can really share deeper things about yourself, your desires, your dreams and goals with another person. Whether it’s physical or not, I think the intimacy part is more about the connection and vulnerability shared with another person.